Three months ago, I wrote about my anxiety. I received a flood of messages, mostly containing diagnoses, suggestions for treatment, or occasionally a kind, sympathetic thought.

But I also got calls from surprising places—from successful, respected individuals like CEOs, former bank directors, internationally recognized experts… the list goes on. They shared stories of how they too feel or have felt anxious. Some admitted they couldn’t even bear to recall those times, fearing the oppressive feeling might return. Their responses to my writing were startlingly honest.

We live with anxiety, side by side, yet we don’t talk about it. But we are anxious, our children are anxious, our parents are anxious. Still, it remains a taboo. Perhaps we think that someone who suffers from anxiety is weak or a victim, and we don’t want to be seen as victims.

Maybe that’s why it was strange that I wrote about it, because if someone puts this down on paper and makes it public, then surely there must be serious issues. Especially if a CEO writes about it… So, we keep quiet instead.

But we could talk about it. We should talk about it.

Maybe my article touched the organizers, or perhaps it was just a fortunate coincidence, but I received an invitation from the HR Fest team, who also felt it was worth giving this topic some space.

Thank you for the invitation, Éva Uzsák!

Three months ago, I wrote about my anxiety. I received countless messages, mostly containing diagnoses, treatment suggestions, or the occasional kind and sympathetic thought. Perhaps my article resonated with the organizers, or maybe it was just a fortunate coincidence, but I was given the opportunity by the HR Fest team to discuss this topic on stage with András Bán.

Anxiety on Stage

I started blogging in January, writing about corporate matters, mentoring, then about space, and 1-2 corporate projects... then from May, I started writing more frequently about self-awareness, perhaps more abstract topics. Then about my dilemmas... my doubts. My fears. My desires.

About things that define who I am. Things that shape how I live my life, how I build my business, how I am present in my relationships. This is what my blog is about.

This book is an offline blog. The feeling I have about the book cannot be compared to how I feel about my blog. The book is special. The experience of the book goes far beyond its content, even though the same text is available online. Yet...

The book is a tangible thing. When I compiled and printed my own writings, I created a physical object that is tangible, can be flipped through, and placed on a shelf. This feeling is much stronger than with an online publication. The weight, texture, and smell of a book all reinforce the tangibility of creation, creating a lasting memory.

I wrote it. Then I formatted it. Designed a cover. And now I’m organizing the printing.

Creating a book often marks the end of a process, the closing of a chapter. Online writings can be constantly updated and edited. I write something every week... But when we put together a book, it symbolizes something final, something concluded. This feeling, the sense of finishing something, and the creation of a standalone work is... something incredibly uplifting.

But it’s not just about the creator and the creation. It's about the relationship as well. A book creates a very different kind of connection with the reader. Reading a book might offer a slower, deeper experience. Perhaps the attention is more continuous, and maybe people spend more time with a book. Maybe the act of holding the book, of grasping it, helps us feel that those thoughts, even for a brief moment, become part of our reality.

And of course, there's also the fact that the book, as a medium, has a long history, being the main vessel for knowledge and art for centuries. In books, thoughts are made immortal. Books have been part of my life since I was very young, while the internet, digital publications, have only been around for a few decades. Is it any wonder I feel differently about them?

I’ve taken a few steps toward myself. I sacrificed time, energy, and attention to give my thoughts a lasting form. They were important enough to me to make them tangible, giftable.

That's the title. All my writings can be read in a few minutes, browsed through quickly. Ideal for a coffee break or if you retreat somewhere without the internet. If you’d like to take a break from scrolling and prefer flipping through pages instead.

Today, a few copies will be made. For those who are close to me. For those who are in it—either by name, as anonymous characters in a story, or subtly hidden between the lines.

The article was translated from Hungarian to English by ChatGPT. Thank you, ChatGPT, for being here.

I started blogging in January, writing about corporate matters, mentoring, then about space, and 1-2 corporate projects... then from May, I started writing more frequently about self-awareness, perhaps more abstract topics. Then about my dilemmas... my doubts. My fears. My desires.
About things that define who I am. Things that shape how I live my life, how I build my business, how I am present in my relationships. This is what my blog is about.
This is what my book is about too.

This is a book

The most exciting project of my year has been the idea of walking dogs with strangers. Three months have passed, and my year has been filled; so far, more than 20 people have signed up, and we’re already more than halfway through.


Nothing extra is needed for this project. And yet, there’s something intangible about it. Something that always makes me feel better after the conversations. A little more, a little better. Two to three hours of talking with a stranger.


These conversations always start so simply. No awkwardness, no anxiety. We connect so quickly. And yet, all kinds of people have signed up. There have been old acquaintances, Facebook friends I might never have met, acquaintances of acquaintances I surely haven’t met, and people I’ve had no connection with, who might have just read something I wrote, perhaps only the post about dog walking, and got curious.


Women and men came in roughly equal numbers. The majority of the group is from Budapest and its surroundings. Mostly, I’ve been approached by leaders of established companies, with a smaller number of startups. Most came from the service sector, but I’ve also had conversation partners from IT, trade, food manufacturing, and hospitality. The financial background is very mixed, with the largest company being around six hundred million, and the smallest under five million.


It’s a very diverse group. Yet, there was something common among them all. Something that worked for everyone. Everyone wanted to have a chat. Just to talk. To hear another opinion, to get to know another perspective. No one expected us to solve anything there and then. Just to have a nice morning walk. And for that, many traveled 5-6 hours.


Nothing extra. No fancy meeting room, no champagne, no tip-top attire needed. No preparation required. There are no Instagram posts, no TikTok videos about it. And yet, – perhaps, I hope, I believe – something lasting remains in everyone from their own walk. A sentence, a thought, a feeling.


It’s nice to mentally replay the conversations of the past 3 months. It feels good to receive feedback and to look forward to the next week, wondering what will happen. Who will come? What will happen?


Orsolya Balogh traveled a good 2.5 hours to set off with me at 7:30 in the morning. We walked and talked for about 2.5 hours. Then we stood and waited for nearly 2.5 hours while the police investigated, searched with a dog, and documented every little detail of the break-in of Orsi’s car.
Not the kind of adventure I would wish on anyone. And yet, it was great to see how calmly Orsi handled the situation, how she dealt with the insurance, the glass repair, and the trip back. It was heartening to see how, with a single phone call, my friends jumped into action to help. How my friend Norbi immediately came, patiently waited for the police to finish, and then helped us get Orsi’s car back in shape so she could leave.


The conversation, paying attention to each other, offering help. Perhaps we don’t even need to learn these things; perhaps they live within us, come with life, maybe they are part of what it means to be human.


None of it cost any money, nothing special was needed. Just a little openness, kindness, patience, and goodwill.


The most exciting project of my year has been the idea of walking dogs with strangers. Three months have passed, and my year has been filled; so far, more than 20 people have signed up, and we’re already more than halfway through.
This is a simple thing. Nothing extra is needed for this project. And yet, there’s something intangible about it. Something that always makes me feel better after the conversations. A little more, a little better. Two to three hours of talking with a stranger.

Simple

Can a business consultancy operate on the principle that the client pays only as much as they believe the service was worth? Can we trust each other to this extent? What does business rely on if not trust? If we don't trust each other, why do business at all? What else could be valuable in such a relationship if not money? Could it be easier to find value in a working relationship that isn't focused on money but on the original goal of business: creating value and efficient value conversion?

This is the first journal entry marking the start of my new company.

Let me begin by explaining why I want to start a business. What do I enjoy doing today? What would I like to make a living from, in a way that I can pursue it daily with genuine curiosity, a desire to grow, and passion? The answer is simple: I want to do what I am currently doing, just on a business basis.

I engage in conversations and think about business ideas, their planning, implementation, and the challenges that arise along the way. Perhaps I approach this differently than usual—not from the business angle, but more from a perspective of self-examination, introspection, and facing life's difficulties. I explore topics such as the fear of failure, embracing personal desires, understanding our resources, and the distorting effects of ingrained paradigms. I base all this on nearly 30 years of entrepreneurial and almost 50 years of life experience. I strive not to accept established social norms and conformity. I encourage people to think more deeply about their lives and to dare to confront their fears and uncertainties to find their own path, instead of simply following the patterns dictated by society. In truth, I encourage my conversation partners to question things, and as we talk, I do the same with myself.

Primarily myself, and I encourage those who find me for whatever reason to do the same. This is the essence of my writings, videos, and my Wednesday morning dog-walking conversations. Since I ask for no payment (except for mentoring), it has become clear over the past nearly two years that this is what I am called to do, what I want to do. I love it even without money. But if I want to build a business out of this, the business's task is to generate money, to produce profit. But how can I generate money in a way that maintains my value-based approach? And besides...

The fact that I am genuinely curious about others. That's why I can connect. I don’t walk with someone because they pay for it, and while they talk, I’m not thinking about my child, car, or spouse... my benefit from these shared walks is that I get to know interesting people; the value for me is what I hear. I have no expectations; I am interested in what comes out of you. Because this is exactly what can be new to me, what I build on, what I learn from.

If I ask for money, won’t that break this dynamic? After all, if I ask for money, I have to give something in return, even if I'm not that interested in the other person, so my connection is no longer truly sincere and selfless. And if I don’t connect in that way, how can I truly respond to what I hear and not just spout some cliché, textbook wisdom? Is this whole thing a messed-up Schrödinger's cat? No, I won't ask for money, I won't ruin what I love so much.

How much? As much as you think I’m worth. So, I’m happy to talk about your business matters if you feel I’m the right person. All I ask is that you write down the questions and the related important information you want to discuss. And explain how much you think it’s worth, how much you would pay to talk about it!

If I feel I can connect with the problem, that I have relevant experience, that I can imagine adding value to the topic, let’s find a time for a face-to-face meeting in Pécs.

Come to Pécs! Let's discuss your matters, and at the end of the conversation, you pay what you think it was actually worth to you. Less or more than what you initially said? It’s entirely up to you. You decide how much those two hours of conversation were worth to you. All I ask is that you tell me why you think it’s worth that much.

I don’t know how this can work, but I believe that this way, the essence of what this is all about won’t die. There’s no intention, no forcing. It will be about the present moment, about what I give you. What you can take from it. I’m not selling my time; I don’t want that. I’m sharing my thoughts, my experiences. There and then. Whatever comes.

Don’t pay for my past, my website, my fees, my qualifications, or my personal brand!

Pay for what you received at that moment, who I am, what I represent, what this whole thing meant to you during those two hours. That’s what you should value!

Would You Dare?

We don't talk about what we're good at. What we excel in. We don't talk about it because it feels wrong. I didn't talk about it either. I didn't write about it. Why? Why is it that when someone compliments our achievements, my achievements, I respond with: "Oh, it's nothing... you could do it too... it's not a big deal..." I don't say that anymore. I don't even think it. But many people still react this way when I talk to them. Why do we stay silent about our talents?

I've written over 100 pages of articles. I filled the summer, the hot, dry days with writing. What did I write about? The challenges of being an entrepreneur, my internal journey, self-awareness, and how I try to connect with the world—myself, others, or technology. I tried to confront my readers—as well as myself—with my questions, to help find meaning in the chaos of everyday life, to understand a little better what's going on within and around us. To become a bit more open.

Difficult questions, tough life situations. But is this really what I want? To write about this? Life is already so hard as it is. There are so many challenges in starting a business. Are these really the right topics? Do you really need these questions? When my back hurts, and I go to the masseuse, I know it will feel better. Eventually. But while they press on the knots in my back, it hurts terribly. At a certain point, I just want a little caress. Or for them to stop. I scream. Inside. I want to pull my body away, slap them, shake them, and say, "Don't you get it? It hurts!

I just lie there. Focus on my breathing, trying not to whine. I endure it. I know it will get better. I trust it will. I want it to be over. I don't want to be a masseuse. I don't want to do this to others. Or maybe I do, just a little. It's worth finding the knots, the adhesions. If you find them, if you can work them out, everything will be better. It won't hurt to move, to exist, and maybe you'll even be stronger.

I think I'm good at this. I love doing it. I love it because I started with myself, massaging out the cramps and adhesions from my own body. Not all of them; there are still some left. And it doesn't feel good to lie on the foam roller or the ball and try to press out the knots, to relax my shoulders. But is this enough? Is it enough for me? Is this what I want? Is this the goal, or just a step on the path to my goal? What do I want? To be a writer? A motivational trainer? To see my face smiling back from a stack of books in a shopping mall window? Do I want to be a teacher, a master? A modernized Central European version of Buddha, an entrepreneur? An idol?

Yes, to have an impact. On whom? Why? Am I seeking the meaning of my existence in this? To prove that my life has meaning? To read more articles about myself, to see what others write about me? Or do I just want to survive? To survive my death? For my name to survive my death? Or is this just part of understanding who I am in this seemingly infinite world? Because there has to be some meaning!

Maybe it's all of them, maybe none. But does it matter? If someone is interested in this, if someone is interested in me, they can look for explanations, answers. They'll probably find something. I'm interested in what I'm doing. What will I do? What am I doing today? I think a lot about how I work, what happens inside me, and what decisions arise from these thoughts. What thoughts I have, what feelings. Which of these prompt action. How do these actions affect the thoughts and feelings that come next, and what new decisions and actions follow from them? I'm observing my karma. The chain of cause and effect.

I'm looking for talent. And I feel like I see it. I hear it. I feel it. During my walks, in conversations, in online calls, it's everywhere. It's there in the other person. Sometimes it's shining so brightly that it's almost blinding, sometimes it's dimly flickering because it's hidden behind so many things that its poor light is barely visible. But it's visible. This is my talent. I see in others what they don't dare say about themselves. Often, even when it blinds everyone around them like a spotlight. Because what if they said it? If they acknowledged it, embraced it:

Is it even true? What would others say? Would they think I'm arrogant? Boastful? Narcissistic? Crazy? And is it even true, I mean, am I talented? And even if I were, what would I do with it? I can't start my own company, can't get it up and running, it's not big enough, not fast enough, not good enough... I can't use my talent, or maybe I'm talented in something useless?!

It's quietly sobbing, worn out. Just like we did when we felt unloved, lonely, abandoned. Don't do that to it! Let your talent speak within you. That's what I want. To help with that. And it's not about massage, it's not enough to just press the knots. You have to learn this. You have to learn how to dare to be talented. We have to learn to live with our talent.

We long for heroes. We need heroes. We are heroes. And you don't need to fly for that. To walk through walls. It's enough to recognize who we are. It's enough to embrace who we are. It's enough to believe in who we are. It's enough to trust that who we are is enough. Good enough. At least for ourselves. And if we have that, we'll soar. There won't be many walls. And we'll get somewhere.

I think that's my real superpower. And belief is contagious. That's what stories, games, and movies are about. Just think of a good movie. When I watch a good movie, where there's a catharsis at the end, where the hero's journey draws me in, I go along with them a bit. My hand, my leg moves during a fight, I hold my breath while they swim underwater, I also feel relieved when they survive a fall... I tune in. We need more stories where we can tune in to the idea of daring to embrace our talent. To dare to stand up in front of others.

So, what makes me happy lately is talking about this. That's why I walk with strangers. That's why I talk with them about their companies. Because somehow, during the conversation, I'm searching for the talent, and maybe by the end, they are too. In themselves.

I help build and start businesses. How am I doing with building my own company? Is it possible that my real motivation is not to help others build their businesses, but just to avoid having to focus on my own? Am I running away? Trying to avoid starting my new business? Am I afraid it won't succeed? Why don't I talk about my own self-realization? Am I just deflecting with my writings? Playing hide-and-seek with myself? Do I even want to build a new company?

I want to build a business out of all this. By walking with myself, to bring out the talent that I can organize into a system and convert into a business based on what I just wrote. To monetize myself. I want to amplify the talent within me. Amplify it and turn it into business success. And meanwhile, I want to be quiet. I'm not looking for a podium or a stage. Because this shouldn't be about me. My success will be if you become successful. If you succeed and say so.

I don't know yet, but I want to figure out how it's possible. That's what I desire, that's my path now, wherever it leads. And I will write about this path. Wherever it leads, I'll write it down. Let the goal, the path, the failures, the successes be visible. Let this be a story you can draw from if you're in this too. Or if you just want to be.

Let this be a new chapter, the diary of a quiet revolution.

Restart

What about? Let’s talk about your business, your challenges, those nagging, sometimes incomprehensible, or seemingly unsolvable problems! What’s not working, and what you could do to make it work. And, most importantly, why you’re doing what you’re doing in the first place.

Every day, I take 1.5-2 hour walks with my dog, Ottó, in the woods. These walks provide an incredible space and time for thinking. It’s during these walks that things often come together in my mind, leading to new ideas 😊 The latest one being:

I’d love to occasionally walk with someone new and have a conversation along the way.

Let’s talk about the things that matter to you, the things you haven’t found a solution for, and where you think I could be a good partner or company. For me, this is an experiment—I’m interested in meeting interesting people, learning about interesting businesses, and exploring interesting problems.

Why a walk, and why the woods? Because it helps you disconnect, it helps you relax, and it fosters creative solutions. I’ve written more about this—click here.

If this opportunity speaks to you, if you’d like to join, if you want to share a bit about your business, reach out to me. You can find me on Facebook, LinkedIn, or you can message me here on the website (just click on the thought bubble icon at the top right). Let’s see how a conversation, a long walk, a few steps together, can bring you closer to your solution. Your own solution.

I can dedicate one day a week to this—Wednesday mornings.

I usually start walking between 6:00 and 7:30 AM, but we can finalize the time.

We’ll agree on the location, but it will generally be somewhere in the Mecsek, on a popular trail.

The walk will be about 120 minutes and roughly 7-8 km.

I walk in the rain too, but that’s up to you :)

If you’d like to come, message me and let me know what business topics you’d like to discuss, and we’ll work out the rest.

Anxiety on Stage
2024.10.04.

2024. BALAZS VENDLER

All rights reserved.

Anxiety on Stage2024.10.04.

2024. BALAZS VENDLER

All rights reserved.

Anxiety on Stage
2024.10.04.